


Good Times, For A Change

by sksai



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2782553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksai/pseuds/sksai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1986.</p><p>The place is Charleston, West Virginia.</p><p>One night can change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Times, For A Change

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU (all human/non magic) set in the year 1986. Enjoy.

He doesn't want to be here.

He'd been looking forward to this night for months...before.

He'd spent an embarrassing chunk of his savings just to make it happen.

Of course Blue had aggressively tried to give him his money back, saying it was only fair.

Since they weren't together anymore.

He doesn't understand how she  _didn't understand_ that she was just rubbing salt in a fresh wound.

If she really wanted to help she could have delayed in dumping him until after their senior year. Until he was out from under his father's rage.

_Couldn't even keep a girl for a whole year, could you? What are you some kinda fucking-_

"Adam," Blue says, jolting him from his thoughts.

"Mm," he replies.

She reaches for his hand. He lets her take it.

"Thanks for coming with me tonight."

He shrugs. She lets go of his hand.

"We're going to have fun," she brightens as they close in on the venue. He can feel her bubbly, girlish excitement pulsing along next to him as they walk. It's something he would have found agonizingly adorable...before.

Now he just feels sugar rushed and sick to his stomach, the sweetness of Blue Sargent makes his teeth ache.

It's not even that he wants her back, like that, not anymore.

It's just that he still feels gutted, unwanted, discarded like bruised fruit.

And Blue just bops along beside him, off-beat and carefree. Confident in the fact that she is worthwhile, regardless of Adam's presence in her life or not. She doesn't need him. She never did. And he hates her for it, a little bit.

She's also his only friend. And it's her 18th birthday. So he's trying not to be a dick.

The room is crowded and smoky, like something from a song. The intimate setting is rare for a tour this size, and though Adam is sullen and despondent, he feels privileged for the moment. As if he is a part of history. Everyone present paid a lot to be here.

Well, a lot to Adam. Maybe not that much to everyone else.

For right now, he doesn't care. He just lets himself enjoy the bittersweet falseness of belonging.

"Oh God, what are  _they_  doing here?" Blue sneers into his ear. Adam looks up and around, eyes wide open and searching.

"Who?" he asks.

"Flock of  _Raven Boys_ ," Blue spits the last two words like a curse.

"I am one of them, you know." Adam reminds her, amused.

"You are  _not_ ," Blue insists. "You might go to that school, but you're not an entitled stuck up rich asshole prick."

"All in due time," Adam jokes.

Blue looks up at him sharply. He assumes she's offended and pouts a silent apology. He doesn't know that he's terrified her. That he's reminded her of just how far away from him she is. That he's going to graduate from a prestigious school with honors and scholarships in a few months time, and then he'll be off to Princeton or Harvard or some other distant planet. He doesn't know she's thinking,  _please don't leave me all alone_.

Instead he's looking at the sighted flock. He assumed it was just a few obnoxious freshman or something Blue had been disgusted by. He had not expected to lock eyes with Richard Campbell Gansey the fucking Third.

Gansey, as Adam knows he likes to be called, smiles at Adam in that friendly, political way of his. He nods his head once. Adam nods back. A polite recognition. He's spoken to Gansey a few times about that beautiful and problematic car of his. Gansey had always been suspiciously yet pleasantly nice to him, though they're certainly not anything within the realm of friends. He'd be stretching the truth to call him an acquaintance.

Beside Gansey is a fair, delicate looking boy who Adam also recognizes. Noah, he thinks. And, of course, there's Ronan.

Ronan Lynch.

With his angular face, shaved head, and perpetually pissed off expression, Ronan always looked like someone you wanted to cross the street to avoid, but tonight he looks especially hazardous. Clad in shredded dark denim and a thick leather jacket with spikes erupting out from the shoulders and trickling down his arms, he's standing with them crossed and his face turned ever so slightly upward. He looks like a stylishly dressed marble statue of obstinate boredom. Adam wonders if he's been dragged along to this thing against his will, too.

The only close encounters he's had with Ronan have been being on the receiving end of fatal glares when speaking occasionally with Gansey. He doesn't quite understand their relationship. Everyone at Aglionby knows how close the two of them are. Most people just assume Ronan is Gansey's muscle, more or less. Every celebrity needs a bodyguard, right?

Adam isn't so sure. He remembers the look in Ronan's eyes when Gansey clapped him on the back one afternoon and declared him "magic".

Adam Parrish knows what jealousy looks like.

Still, he was and is fascinated by Ronan. His natural ability for the Latin language is something of another world. That's how Ronan always seemed to him. Like something from a story or a dream. He always looked too perfect...too... _iconic_ to be real. A comic book character come to life, or something. A superhuman trying to blend in with mere mortals.

Adam doesn't realize he's been staring until another body is obstructing his view and he's blinking himself of his thoughts. The body is leaning toward Ronan like a predatory bird, saying something into his ear. He sees Ronan's jaw clench. Noah looks troubled. Gansey looks hateful. Which can only mean one thing.

Joseph Kavinsky is here.

"Fucking asshole," Blue curses with venom, solidifying Adam's theory. "Why the hell are they here, anyway? Are they doing it  _ironically_?" She shakes her head, fury rising up in her little body like steam from a tea kettle.

"Just ignore them," Adam looks down at her and gives her a quick, assuring smile. When he looks up, Ronan and Kavinsky are both gone. His stomach wrenches unexpectedly. His eyes catch Gansey's again, who looks at him with his eyes wide and mouth slightly parted, like he's about to say something. Adam quickly looks away.

"Shit," he hears Blue hiss beside him. And she doesn't have to say any more. He knows they're coming over.

"Adam Parrish," Gansey greets way too loudly, "Fancy seeing you here."

"Ah, yeah." Adam gives a forced laugh. "Small world."

"Who's this?" Gansey smiles down at Blue briefly then back up to Adam, waiting for him to introduce her. Adam knows that Gansey means well, that to him this is being a Southern Gentleman. He also knows that Blue will not take it the same way.

And she doesn't.

" _This_  is a human being standing right in front of you," she says, "I'm not his consort. It's not the 1800's. You can address me directly or not address me at all, thanks."

Gansey is momentarily stunned, and Adam finds a sick slice of amusement in watching Gansey's eyes dart back and forth, floundering while he ponders what to do. He looks a bit like a robot malfunctioning.  _Error. Error. Have-Offended-Female. Rectify-Immediately, Rectify-Immediately._

"My apologies," Gansey bows deeply, not knowing he's only making it worse. "I'm a friend of Adam's from school. You can call me Gansey."

"Oh, I can?" Blue widens her eyes and lets her voice drip with sticky-sweet sarcasm. "I do declare, Mr. Gansey."

Noah snorts at Blue's rude imitation of Gansey's affected sounding accent.

It takes a moment for Adam to realize that Gansey had just called him his friend.

"This is Blue," Adam says, because he feels like he needs to say something now. "It's her birthday."

Before Blue can explode at this betrayal, Noah's face lights up like a Christmas tree. "Happy birthday!" he exclaims, and when Blue looks up at him she can't seem to find the same malice she awarded Gansey with.

Instead, surprisingly, she gives him a genuine smile. "Thanks."

"I've got just the thing," Noah says, digging around in his pocket. He holds out two little pills.

"Noah," Gansey says, scandalized. "Put that away. We're in public."

"What is that?" Blue asks.

"Ecstasy," Noah says vaguely. Whatever that means.

"Will one make me larger and one make me small?" she asks, grinning at Noah delightedly. "I'm already small enough as it is, I don't think I can take the risk."

Noah laughs and drops one pill into Blue's hand and one into Adam's.

"It makes everything..." Noah tilts his head to the side, thoughtful. "Better."

"We should find Ronan," Gansey says, and Noah's expression darkens.

"A very merry un-birthday to you," Noah says to Blue, a head nod to the Alice reference she'd made earlier. She winks at him. Adam wonders if she's flirting. He knows Noah is. But there's such an innocence to it that it doesn't even occur to him to be jealous.

"It was very nice to meet you," Gansey tells her, "And nice to see you, Adam."

They both smile tightly as the boys take their leave.

Blue sighs and drops her pill onto the floor. Adam swallows his dry.

 

* * *

 

It's really hot. That's all Adam can think about. It's fucking sweltering in this place. He's got his hand pressed up against the wall. And he realizes, suddenly, he doesn't know how long he's been doing that. He turns around, searching for Blue, where is Blue?

The crowd is at least three times as big as it was a few minutes ago.

How is that possible?

Where is Blue?

How did he get here?

The building shakes in slow motion around him, hissing and fuzzing like an old-fashioned film clip. He blinks slowly.

He tries to think. He remembers taking that pill from Noah. He doesn't remember much else after that. He thinks he might remember losing Blue in the surge of the crowd for a second. When the lights went low and everyone got overexcited, pushing and shoving. He thinks he might have seen her being plucked out of the fray by Gansey, knight in shining armor. He doesn't remember if that actually happened or not.

But he remembers being pissed about it.

He takes his hand off the wall and looks at it, wiggling his fingers slowly. His skin glistens in technicolor, blurring in and out and out and in until it makes him dizzy.

There is a third hand, now, on his shoulder. The hand is rough but the grip is gentle, almost careful.

"Dude. Are you fucked?"

He spins around wildly, knocking forehead-first into Ronan Lynch.

"The fuck, Parrish!" Ronan rears back, releasing Adam from his grip so quickly that it causes Adam to stumble backward.

Adam attempts to blink Ronan into focus. When he'd seen him earlier he'd compared him to a marble statue. Pale and hard and untouchable. Now he looks like some kind of holy apparition, glowing and ethereal. Like Adam could put a hand right through him.

Adam doesn't know if it's the drug or if that just how Ronan looks up close.

Without thinking, he reaches his hand out, pressing his fingertips against Ronan's sharp cheekbone. Ronan tenses. Freezes. Sucks in his breath.

"Ouch," he jumps at the contact, yanking his hand away and looking down at it, expecting to see blood.

"Jesus  _Christ_ , Parrish." Ronan growls, his voice tight. "What did you take? And who gave it to you?"

"I think you're right," Adam tells Ronan slowly, thinking of Gansey with his hands encircling Blue's waist, thinking of Kavinsky whispering in Ronan's ear. "I think I am fucked."

"Adam." Ronan's voice is so close to him now. All Around him. Inside of him. He thinks he can hear it in his deaf ear. Echoing there. Just there.  _Adam. Adam. Adam._ "What. Did. You. Take?"

"I have no idea." Adam says. "He said it was supposed to make everything feel better."

"Who did?" Ronan asks, eyes narrowing.

"Noah."

"Oh," Ronan's shoulders drop, his posture relaxing. A moment ago he was a deadly snake, ready to strike. Now he just looks mildly annoyed. He shakes his head. "Dumbass."

"Me?" Adam raises his eyebrows.

"Well obviously," Ronan agrees, "But I meant Noah. Where the hell is he?"

Adam shakes his head. "I don't know." he adds, uselessly, "Blue went off with Gansey."

"Blue?" Ronan asks.

"The girl I was with," Adam explains.

"Oh." Ronan nods. Then twitches his head, squinting. "Wait. What?"

Adam just shrugs. Ronan doesn't ask again.

So Adam asks, "How long have you been gone?"

Ronan cuts him a sharp glance. "What?"

"When you left with Kavinsky, how long ago was that?"

Ronan stares at him for a long moment, his face unreadable. Then he shakes his head. "I don't know, like half an hour ago?"

Adam grasps his head in anguish, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fucking hell," he whispers.

"What?" Ronan asks again. "Are you-"

He opens his eyes, gazing at Ronan bleakly. "How did so much time pass without me noticing?" His voice sounds so pitiful. He can hear the fear in it. How ridiculous he must look right now. In front of Ronan Lynch, of all people. But he just can't take it. He can't take feeling so out of control. He expels a shaky breath. He's ready for Ronan to laugh, spit out another indifferent insult, any second now.

Instead, he simply says, "You're sweating."

"Yeah, because it's hotter than hell-fire in here." His accent slips out with the phrase.  _Fire_  comes out more like  _Far_. He wants to crawl in a corner and die. He thinks he sounds so stupid. He has no idea that Ronan's heart dips into his stomach at the sweet lilt of it. That it undoes him in a way that makes him want to crawl in his own corner of shame. That he'd do anything to hear Adam say it again.

"You wanna go outside for a minute? Fresh air?" Ronan asks him casually. Like he doesn't care one way or the other. He'd be just as happy to leave Adam to it. It sounds fake. Practiced carelessness.

It occurs to Adam in this moment that he can see right through Ronan Lynch. And he doesn't know what to do about that. But the thought makes one side of his mouth quirk upward.

"What?" Ronan asks. Adam just shakes his head.

"Right then," Ronan says brusquely, turning his back on Adam. Adam thinks he can see a hint of red in his cheeks. A sliver of veiled embarrassment in the tone of his voice.

"Wait," he calls to Ronan before he can get away. Adam half expects him to just keep walking.

But Ronan waits.

In this moment it occurs to Adam that he has power over Ronan Lynch.

And he really  _doesn't_ know what to do about that.

He does know that he needs to get the hell out of this building. And he's not entirely sure if he can make it on his own.

"Yeah," he says. "Fresh air. That sounds good."

 

* * *

 

The cool night air laps at Adam's body and he can't help the guttural sigh of pleasure that escapes his mouth. He throws his head back, the stars swirling in slow motion above him.

"So," Ronan says as he helps Adam settle onto the pavement of the alleyway beside the club. "Does your girlfriend often make a habit of ditching you for other guys while you're high as a fucking kite?"

Adam scoffs. "She's not my girlfriend."

Ronan doesn't say anything.

"What about you?" Adam counters, the words tumbling from his mouth before he can stop them. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Ronan stiffens beside him. "I don't know what the fuck you think you're talking about," he finally says. "But it's none of your business, anyway."

"I wasn't trying to be a prick," Adam says quietly, Ronan's sobering tone slicing through him unpleasantly.

"Could've fooled me," Ronan shoots back.

"Hey, you started it."

"Fuck it," Ronan squashes the subject. "Talk about something else if you're going to talk, Parrish. Otherwise don't say anything at all."

"You think Blue's alright in there?" He asks, more to himself than to Ronan. "I lost her, and then I saw her with Gansey, and I just left her. I probably shouldn't have done that."

"If she's with Gansey, she's fine." Ronan says. "He can't resist a damsel in distress."

"She'll skin him alive if he calls her that," Adam muses. "She's small but she's tough. And she doesn't take anyone's shit. Least of all from guys like Gansey."

"And you were worried about her because?" Ronan raises an eyebrow.

"Because if Gansey sets her off she'll bolt, and then she'll be on her own, and not all the guys in there are Ganseys."

"Do you want me to go back in and look for her?"

"Or maybe she'd stay with Noah. That'd be fine, I guess. She seems to like him."

"Noah's a good guy," Ronan says. "Probably doesn't seem like it, getting you all fucked up. But -"

Adam waves Ronan's words away. "It's not his fault I'm having a bad trip."

"How's that going, by the way? You're not seeing killer gnomes and shit, are you? Are my fingers turning to snakes?" He waves his hand in front of Adam's face.

Adam lets his head fall back against the brick of the building, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.

"It'll pass," Ronan says. "Trust me."

A long stretch of silence goes by. Muffled music is thumping from the inside of the building now. Adam can pick out a few broken phrases of songs here and there. Still, neither of them speak. Adam replays the moment he saw Blue in Gansey's arms over and over in his mind. The image feels like a hard punch to the gut. A sensation he's all too familiar with. Then he replays the moment he'd been ogling Ronan, only to see him disappearing with Kavinsky.

The feeling is the same.

Finally, Adam asks aloud, "You ever feel like you're keeping a secret from yourself?"

He turns to look at Ronan, who is looking right back at him. He thinks Ronan might have been looking at him this entire time.

"Maybe," Ronan shrugs slowly. "Depends on how you mean."

"I guess I mean..." Adam sighs. "When you know something about yourself. Or you think you know it. But you're not ready to admit it. It's like, yourself knows. But you're not ready to tell yourself. Like you're protecting yourself from..."

"Yourself?" Ronan grins wryly.

"Fuck off," Adam chuckles, shaking his head. "Nevermind. Don't listen to me. I'm high."

After a moment, Ronan says quietly, "I know what you mean."

"I think..." Adam says slowly, though in truth he's not thinking at all. "I might be different."

"Different?" Ronan asks.

"You know," Adam rolls his head away. "Wrong-Different."

Before Ronan can reply, Adam barrels on, "Like I'm not already wrong enough, you know? It has to be this too?" He shakes his head, scoffs. "Fuck." He kicks at the ground in front of him.

"Have you tried changing yourself?"

"No," Ronan tells him. "You can't."

"Maybe I could." Adam says.

Ronan shrugs. "Maybe. If you're a good liar. Good enough to lie to yourself. But I don't lie."

"How convenient for you," Adam drawls.

"Yeah, it's a real fucking picnic," Ronan snarls back.

"Sorry," Adam says quickly. "I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant."

"I shouldn't have said anything," Adam shakes his head, covers his eyes. "Fuck, I don't know what I'm saying right now. I don't know...I don't know what I  _am_  right now."

"You're high, I get it, it's whatever." Ronan says quickly, too quickly. "I'm not gonna fucking say shit to anyone, alright? If that's what you're worried about."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Adam groans.

A loud cheer erupts from inside the building and a familiar string of notes ring out.

"This, coming here, this was all for Blue," Adam says. "But fuck if I don't love this song."

"You  _would_ ," Ronan smirks.

Moments later, he says, "Look. About Kavinsky. He's not..." he pauses, swallows, looks away. "He's not my boyfriend, alright? He's just not."

"Okay." Adam says.

"Okay?" Ronan asks, his voice a little incredulous, like he expected a bigger reaction.

"Like you said, it's none of my business."

"Well I'm making it your business, Parrish."

Adam nods. "Okay."

"Asshole," Ronan scoffs, but he's biting back a smile.

"And that Blue girl, she's not your girlfriend." Ronan says. A statement, not a question.

"Nope," Adam confirms, popping the last consonant of the word definitively.

"Do you want her to be?"

Adam sighs. A long, exhausted sigh. It's embarrassing to be honest about this. "No." he says. "Not anymore. But seeing her with Gansey, it just-"

"I get that," Ronan says. "It's a shitty feeling."

"Mmm," Adam closes his eyes, straining now to hear the song again. A habit he picked up ever since he'd lost fifty percent of his hearing. He feels his heart thump along with the words.

_Please, please, please_

_Let me, let me, let me_

He turns his head, opens his eyes. Ronan's terribly handsome face is so close to his. He has the feeling of standing on the edge of a diving board. His chest heaves as feels something inside him bend under the weight of his desire. His nerves are crackling like livewires. Inside, he jumps.

Outside, kissing Ronan doesn't feel at all like plunging underwater. It feels like the moment when you hit the surface, gasping for the air you've been too long denied.

Ronan pulls back not a few seconds later, shaken and panting. "You're high," he says.

"I'm coming down." Adam tells him quietly, his lips brushing back up against the other boy's, raising the hairs on the back of his neck.

"Not enough," Ronan shakes his head. "It's been like what, an hour?"

"It's not the drug that making me- I mean I wanted-" Adam stops, pausing to choose his words carefully. "When I saw you before, talking to Kavinsky. The thought of you and him...it felt the same...as seeing Gansey with Blue."

" _Fuck_ ," Ronan draws out the word in a slow, agonized hiss, closing his eyes and bringing his forehead to touch Adam's. He doesn't have to wait long until he's bringing his lips to touch his as well.

They're both hungry, desperate, unsure. Their kisses are experimental. Soft, slow, sucking kisses. Quick, hard, biting ones. After awhile Ronan breaks away and grinds out,

"Are you just doing this because you know I want you so bad? Does that get you off or something?"

Adam is surprised by the question. "No," he breathes out, his eyebrows furrowing together. "To be perfectly honest, I kind of thought it was the other way around."

Ronan stares at him for a long moment, shakes his head, and pulls him back to his mouth. Neither of them knows what this means. All Ronan knows is that he has to be careful, careful because he can't push too hard, he can't scare him away. And now that Adam knows how it feels to be touched by someone who wants you, he can't ever go back to being the person who didn't.

One of Ronan's hands is fixed securely to the back of Adam's neck, holding him together. The other is wrenched up his shirt, grazing his bare skin, unraveling him at the same time. He moans softly into Ronan's mouth. He pushes his hands inside his leather jacket, slides them up the thin material of the tank top underneath. He doesn't know what he's doing. Just knows he wants to touch and be touched. Not just with anyone, with Ronan. He's scared, but he doesn't want it to stop. Not when Ronan's mouth detaches from his and trails across his jaw, not when the hand up his shirt snakes down, bends at what be a horribly uncomfortable angle just to palm Adam through his jeans, not when Ronan's mouth is on his neck, nipping at the tender, vulnerable flesh there. Teasing, biting, sucking.

"Nnn-don't," he murmurs when Ronan pulls back.

"Have to," Ronan murmurs back. "Otherwise it'll leave a bruise."

He doesn't know how to tell Ronan that he's already got so many. Fresh ones on his stomach that are still stinging, old ones fading into blotchy yellow flowers across his lower back, invisible ones that will never go away. And this, this is the kind that he wants. He wants Ronan's mouth to mark his skin, he wants his fingers to dig in and scratch down, he wants, he wants, he wants.

But Ronan already has other ideas, his hand deftly undoing the button of Adam's jeans and tugging the zipper down. Sliding underneath the waistband of his underwear. Fingertips on his bare skin. Adam's breath hitches. He's scared, but  _God don't stop, Ronan, please don't stop._

Ronan's got his hand wrapped around him now, and it's too much, and it's not enough, and when he starts slowly stroking the length of him Adam wants to cry out, but manages to bury his face into Ronan's neck instead, biting down the scream.

"Oh, fuck,  _yes._ " Ronan hisses at the sensation of Adam's teeth sinking into his skin. He tightens his grip around him. Adam bucks his hips forward helplessly. They find a nice, steady rhythm that leaves Adam breathless, gasping, holding onto Ronan for dear life.

"You have to stop," he whispers eventually, "You're going to make me come."

"That was kind of my master plan, if you hadn't noticed." Ronan whispers back, nipping Adam's earlobe with his teeth.

"I can't come in my pants," Adam groans in protest. Ronan runs his thumb along the sensitive underside of Adam's cock. Adam shudders, his eyes fluttering closed. "God, Ronan."

"You can come on the ground," Ronan answers simply.

"Gross," Adam says, opening his eyes to give Ronan as withering of a look as he can manage.

"Where do you want to come then, in my mouth?"

Adam scoffs. He's not serious. Ronan just grins at him devilishly.

"You're not serious," he says.

Ronan pulls his hand away. "Stand up."

He does, though he knows he shouldn't, because he can't help himself. Ronan has power over him, too.

And then Ronan's on his knees in front of him and Adam can't look at him while he takes him into his mouth because it's all just too fucking much so he looks up at the sky and this time when the stars start swirling he knows it's not got anything to do with any mind-altering substance.

It feels too good, embarrassingly good, undeservedly good. Adam keeps his head up the whole time, ashamed for some reason, like this kind of pleasure can't be looked in the eye. He squirms up against the side of the building, scraping his palms on the bricks until he can't take it anymore. He relents and wraps one hand around Ronan's neck, places the other hand on top of his head. Ronan makes a low sound, like he likes it. And Adam feels it vibrate all around him.

"Close," he gasps out frantically in warning to Ronan. "Close, close."

Ronan sucks him hard, with great purpose, not even flinching when Adam shudders into his orgasm, nails digging into the back of Ronan's neck, one last strangled gasp escaping his weathered throat.

"Sorry," he rasps when it's over, and Ronan's standing up, wiping his mouth. "Sorry."

Ronan shakes his head, pressing his body against Adam's, his arms wrapping around his hips. It's sort of like...a hug. Ronan Lynch is hugging him. It's so...affectionate, so intimate. Adam doesn't know what to do with himself. "You taste good," Ronan whispers against his skin in a voice that would have made him hard again if it were possible.

"So," Adam says, a little nervously. "Your turn, then."

Ronan shakes his head again, swaying their bodies slightly. "Nah, I'm good."

"It's only fair," Adam says, "I mean, after that-"

"I said I'm good, Parrish." Ronan steps back and away from him, his voice hard. Like nothing matters. Like what the fuck ever. But too much has happened in the last hour and however many minutes have passed since Adam first laid his eyes on Ronan Lynch tonight. And finally, he knows exactly what to do.

"Yeah?" He asks, grabbing Ronan by the hips and spinning him around. "You're good, huh?"

He shoves him up against the wall of the building. "Well maybe I'm not. Did you ever think about that, Lynch?"

Ronan just stares at him, speechless, while Adam roughly unbuttons and unzips his jeans. He takes Ronan into his hand without warning, stroking him hard and fast.

"Fuck," Ronan chokes out, his head knocking back against the wall. " _Fuck_ , Adam."

He presses himself against him, leaning in to bring their mouths together once more. His hand is cramped awkwardly between them, and quickly goes tingly and sore from the steady pumping, but he doesn't stop or slow down. He only squeezes Ronan harder, swallowing his moans with his mouth, until Ronan, who has no qualms about coming in a dark alley, pushes him away to let himself finish. Adam feels a little guilty, and a little unsatisfied, he wants to know what Ronan tastes like, too. But maybe neither of them are ready for that just yet.

Ronan is still zipping up his jeans when a shout comes from the other side of the alley.

"ADAM?!"

"ADAM IS THAT YOU?"

Adam whirls around at the sound of Blue's voice, struck like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle as she sprints down the alley way toward him. Gansey and Noah walk swiftly behind her.

"Where the HELL have you BEEN?" she shrieks at him, shoving him in the chest. "We have been looking EVERYWHERE for you!" Her face is beet red, her eyes are puffy. Has she been crying?

"Ronan!" Gansey's voice is stern but clearly relieved. "What the hell is wrong with you? The whole reason we're here is for you. You wanted to come here tonight. All of this was for you. And then you just  disappear with Kavinsky of all people-"

"I wasn't with Kavinsky," Ronan cuts in sharply. "I've been right fucking here, with Adam, all night."

Ronan's words wash right over Adam's head. He's still stuck on the fact that Ronan was the one who wanted to be here tonight. Which meant Ronan had chosen to spend the night with Adam instead. Not because he didn't have anything better to do. But because he wanted to.

He looks at Ronan, his chest tight.

Blue and Gansey gape at him.

Noah scuffs the ground with his foot. He mumbles something under his breath that has the distinct tone of  _I told you so_.

"I can't believe this," Blue shakes her head at Adam. "I've basically missed the whole show."

Guilt squeezes at Adam's lungs. It's her fucking birthday. And he was trying not to be a dick.

He failed.

"It's not like we've just been out here trading fucking baseball cards," Ronan snaps, "I found Adam tripping fucking balls in there, alone, so I brought him outside to help him calm down." His gaze slides from Blue to Noah. "Smooth move, ex-lax."

Noah winces at Adam. "Sorry."

"Not your fault," Adam says with a small shake of his head.

"Are you okay?" Blue asks Adam, her rage down to a light simmer.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Adam assures everyone, hating the attention being on him in this way. "I really wasn't earlier. But that's my own fault. I probably would have passed out if Ronan hadn't found me when he did."

Blue eyes Ronan narrowly. "Thanks," she finally says. "Sorry you missed your show. Gansey said you'd been looking forward to it for months."

Ronan shrugs, "I found something better to do with my time."

Blue raises an eyebrow at that and Adam feels frighteningly exposed, like his secret is officially public knowledge. But a moment later, Blue's looking away, decidedly unbothered. And Gansey's suggesting they go back inside as to not miss anything more. He just can't stand idly by and let the evening be spoiled, he needs everyone to be in good spirits by the night's end.

 

* * *

 

Once they are all back inside is when Adam starts to feel the weight of what he's done. He knows it can't be undone. He can't just forget about it. He sees Ronan at school every single day. He doesn't know what it means. He knows what it felt like. He knows what Ronan makes him feel. What Blue made him feel. He knows there's a word for what he is but he isn't ready to say it to himself just yet. He hopes that's okay. He hopes it doesn't make him weak.

Needing to distract himself, he leans down to Blue to tell her how sorry he is that her birthday turned out this way. She shakes her head. She kisses his cheek.

"Oh, I have to admit," Gansey shouts to the lot of them, "this song is especially lovely, don't you think?"

Blue rolls her eyes and sighs at him. "You  _would_ like this song."

"You don't?" He looks even more scandalized than when Noah brought out his drugs.

"I do," Blue says quietly.

Gansey grins at her, and then, sings along loud and off-key, " _To die by your side, well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine_." He sways to the beat, and Blue covers her hand with her mouth.

"You're so embarrassing!" she shouts at him. He just continues to sing along, both of them now grinning like idiots.

Adam realizes that something must've happened between the two of them while they were out looking for him and Ronan. Just like something happened between him and Ronan.

Well, he doubts it was something  _quite_  like that. But the air has shifted around the five of them. What felt like strange, awkward tension suddenly feels like an easy, old friendship. Just like that.

Adam feels Ronan's hand collide softly with his. Ronan slowly intertwines their fingers. He looks up at Adam. "Do you mind?" he whispers.

The way he asks it almost makes Adam laugh. Like he's asking him to hold a stack of books or a stranger's baby or something else as equally unpleasant.

Adam shakes his head. No, he doesn't mind. Even though this, out of everything they've done tonight, is by far the scariest. The most monumental, unchangeable thing. He doesn't mind. He feels Ronan's thumb run up and down the side of his hand where it rests. The sensation is mind-numbing. Adam can only silently return the favor.

When he looks away, he sees Noah staring at the both of them, an impish smile on his face. His eyes go wide for a moment, still prone to paralyzing fear at the thought of being found out. Noah mimes zipping his lips and locking them, then tossing away an imaginary key.

Noah is a good guy, Ronan had said.

Blue had been crying when Adam was lost.

Ronan spent the entire night with him.

Gansey had called him his friend.

Adam Parrish knows tomorrow the spell of happiness around him will be broken, and it will be back to the same old shit, back to his father's rage, but it doesn't matter. Because tonight he is safe.

For the first time in his life, Adam Parrish knows he is not alone. There is nothing false about this belonging. 

**Author's Note:**

> The timing is a little off for the song mention at the end, but you'll just have to PRETEND.


End file.
